Gilbert and Garden

To explain the photo that's on my page, I have to begin with the whine. I heard this pitiful little yelp/whine coming from under our deck one day last week. I went out to investigate and found a tiny puppy. I brought him in, gave him water, and found a box to keep him in. Then, Charlotte, the puppy, and I went to pick Alexander up from school. I told Alexander that he needed to hurry to see what I found under the deck. He guessed that it might be a worm or a caterpillar, or a roly-poly. Imagine his surprise and delight when I opened the front passenger door and he spotted the sleeping puppy. We went home and I told Alexander that we wouldn't be keeping the pup and that we had to find his owners. We went around the neighborhood looking for the pup's owners but we figured that he probably got dumped. Alexander decided that the puppy's name should be Gilbert and, because he's 4, that's what we called the pup. I posted an ad on Craigslist and we had bites on the ad right away. Gilbert found a great home and I had a very sad, distraught kid who said, "I really wanted to be Gilbert's new owner...(sob, sob, sigh...)" Poor little guy!

Oh a happier note, for Mother's Day, my boys decided that digging a new flower bed would be a great gift. Little did they know how much work was required to dig all the grass up! I'll post a pic soon of the work in progress! Our front garden is growing very well and I have all sorts of daylilies blooming right now! My favorite one that is blooming is called Baby Blue Eyes. Here's a pic!

Showing

It has finally become clear, in my opinion, that I am pregnant. I sang on the praise team at church on Sunday morning and I looked down and realized that my tummy is sticking out quite far. It was a shock! I know it shouldn't be a shock since I've been pregnant for more than 5 months. I know I've seen her on the ultrasound screen. I know that she's becoming more and more active. All of those things combined should be enough to prove to me that I am, in fact, pregnant. Nonetheless, I was surprised to see my little bump. I'm embarrassed and a little excited about it. One gets many privileges when pregnant - perhaps I'll begin to reap those benefits (first to get a seat, first in line at a buffet, waited on hand and foot, etc)!

Time sure does fly! It seems like only yesterday, they were putting Alexander on my chest and I was exclaiming, "He's so little!!" Now, he's three years old, walking, talking, and going potty all by himself. In just three more short years, Alexander will be in first grade and I'll be typing about our little girl's preschool accomplishments. None of these realizations are earth-shattering. Just coming to terms with the fact that kids really do grow up!

Doing the wave

After reading the blog of an acquaintance who also lost a child to trisomy 18, I was reminded of another part of our ultrasound that was breathtaking. The sonographer kept trying to look at our little girl's hands - one of the markers of a chromosome abnormality is clenched hands. Matthew had this when he was born and so I was well aware that this was one of the things that we needed to see. I began to get nervous because our stubborn little girl wouldn't open her hands. Just as my heart began to sink into my stomach, she gave us a wave. Beginning with her pinkie, she opened and closed each little digit in a carefree manner that somehow said to me, "Mommy, stop worrying!"
So, a weight was lifted - one that had been placed on me just after Matthew's diagnosis. I feel lighter, happier, and excited to greet my little girl when she decides to make her entrance in October.

It's a.....

GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just about jumped off of the examining table when they told me that they didn't see anything dangling! So, it's off to the store to buy one of everything pink! Peter is already groaning thinking about the amount of money that will be spent on pink frills!

In addition to getting the fun gender info, we also got really good news on the health and development of our little girl. All seems well with our little one - she waved at us while she was playing shy (the doc had a hard time getting her in the right position to see her heart). Her arms and legs are measuring the right length, she seems to have the right number of appendages (arms, legs, fingers, toes), heart was beating strong at 150, and measurements of vital parts seem to be right on track.

We enjoyed chatting to the high-risk obstetrician, Dr. Carpenter, who was young and very friendly. She made us feel very comfortable and we asked lots of questions about our little girl's development!

We thank you all for your continuing thoughts and prayers. I still feel a bit nervous about having another baby but today's visit calmed most of my fears. In 20 more weeks (or possibly a few less) we'll take our little girl home from the hospital!

Now...on to the daunting task of naming our child...thoughts and suggestions will be welcomed and considered (but don't be offended when we wrinkle our noses at thought of naming our little one after your great-grandmother, Bertha)!

Happy Father's Day to all of you dads out there! We hope that you have some relaxing family time this weekend!

Everywhere I go, people ask how I'm feeling. I guess that's the question you should ask when a person is generating a new life inside her body. The truth is, I'm feeling so much better now that I've entered into the second trimester! I'm 17 weeks along and all seems to be well. As of my last midwife appointment, I had lost four pounds but I have a feeling that I'll be up at least one or two at my next appointment.
We spent Memorial Day weekend with my parents in Indiana. My brother, Matt, and his wife, Michelle, were there too. It was such a relaxing weekend! We really had no agenda aside from making strawberry jam using the strawberries that we picked ourselves on Saturday morning. The six of us, Peter, Alexander, Dad, Matt, Michelle, and I picked over $40 worth of strawberries. I made 18 16-ounce jars of freezer jam and we still had a huge bowl of cut berries, one bowl of puree, and one large bowl of uncut strawberries left. We'll be eating berries until we turn into berries! The jam turned out really well and has passed the taste test of my very discriminating little one. It was my first attempt at making jam - I think I'll try it again with other fruits. We're due to pick blueberries during the second week of June but I'm not sure that blueberry jam sounds very appealing.
One more note before I work on unpacking my suitcase...I have begun to feel little flutters caused by the baby kicking. Each day, I seem to feel one more and they're a tiny bit stronger. It's fun to finally feel these on a consistent basis. It reminds me that there is a reason for the weight gain, the moodiness (sorry, Peter!), and the constant cravings! Only three more weeks until we find out if we'll reuse Alexander's clothes or if we'll get to buy pink and purple. My hopes are slightly raised for the female variety but at this point, I'm praying for a healthy baby with all his or her fingers and toes!

Heartbeats!

I told Alexander yesterday morning that I was going to the doctor. He wanted to know why. I told him that I was going to listen to the baby. His response was, "But the baby can't talk!" I smiled and said that he was correct and that they would use a special machine to hear the baby's heartbeat. He said he wants to hear it. He put his ear next to my tummy but said he couldn't hear anything. My midwife told me that Alexander is welcome to come to any of my appointments. I hope to take him with me to one of my next appointments.

I love going to my monthly appointments because now I get to hear the baby's heart beat each time. She puts the Doppler machine on my tummy and I immediately hear: whoosh, whoosh, whoosh!! It's a pretty happy sound! Baby's heart beat was in the 150s yesterday. That's in the normal range and according to Emma, is indicative of a baby girl's heartbeat!! Boys usually have slower heartbeats and girls have faster. I'm not getting my hopes up for pink dresses but it was pretty exciting to know that there's a possibility of having a girl.

Alexander will not be happy at all if it's a girl! He is counting on a baby boy and says that he wants a brother. He asked me what the baby's name is going to be. We have lots of options and no definitive answer for him!

I have scheduled my 20-week ultrasound which is when we hope to find out if the baby is a boy or a girl. We're seeing a maternal fetal specialist and they'll look at everything to make sure that baby is healthy and happy. This is scheduled for June 12, just a few days after we return from our Florida beach vacation!

Girlfriends!

Alexander is only 3 years old but has a new girlfriend at least once a month. He's had the same one for a while now though. Her name is Wyatt and that's her in the photo above. This pic was taken at Alexander's 3rd birthday party back in March. Despite the fact that we've spent plenty of time outdoors, he is still as pasty white as he is in the photo. I'm going to blame that on his red-headed daddy who burns if he's out in the sun longer than about 4 minutes. Alexander is beginning to have freckles on his face! You can't see them in this photo or in any photos, unless they're extreme closeups. They're just lightly dotted across his nose. So cute!

My next midwife appointment will be May 7. I'm sure I'll post before then but just in case I don't, know to expect a post on or just after May 7!

Peace in small doses

Well, I spoke with my midwife, Emma, this morning. I don't think I've mentioned yet how terrific that I think she is. She's so down to earth and reassuring. We had a long discussion about the results of the ultrascreen. She had only received the ultrasound results and said they looked fantastic. The nuchal translucency was just right (Matthew's was totally not right), the heartbeat was strong, and the baby's size was right on track for 12-13 weeks. She was so surprised when I told her that the ultra-screen showed an increased risk for Down Syndrome since the ultrasound looked clear. While Emma couldn't tell me that we got a false positive, she did reassure me that the risk was still relatively low.

I think Peter and I have pretty much decided not to have the amnio until after my 18-20 week ultrasound (if at all). Emma pointed out that the risk of miscarriage after an amnio was 1 in 200 which is greater than the risk of the baby having a chromosome abnormality. All these stats are just gripping, aren't they?? Ugh. Anyway, we think that it isn't worth putting the baby at risk before we get some additional indication that something isn't right. Emma is going to send me to a maternal fetal specialist for my 18-20 week ultrasound. The specialist will take an in-depth look at the baby, especially at the markers which can indicate chromosome abnormalities. If something comes up at that ultrasound, then we can make a decision about whether or not to do an amnio. The risk of losing the pregnancy at that point goes down since there are more pockets of fluid to draw the amniotic fluid.

All of this technical mumbo-jumbo is probably more than any of you ever wanted to read! But, I wanted to reassure you that I do feel better about the results of the test and know that we can handle whatever comes our way.

In the meantime, we're spending our time enjoying having a potty-trained, well spoken little boy who is a joy! I just took Alexander to the pediatrician for his 3-year-old checkup and he passed with flying colors. He is 30.5 pounds and 37 inches tall. His pediatrician said that we didn't need to discuss the milestones for this year since he had already exceeded them at his 2-year appointment! You should have seen this proud mama strut out of his office! Peter, of course, being the overachiever of the family, wondered why the doc couldn't have checked him for all the 4-year-old milestones! I was going to try to post a current photo of Alexander but the uploader is having some sort of mid-life crisis right now so you'll have to wait until my next post (if blogger has fixed the problem) to see what he looks like!

Introducing Baby Hamilton

Thump, Thump, Thump...That's what my heart was doing as she placed that wand on my tummy. Since this was the first ultrasound that I'd had, I was anxious about the baby being in there. And then, thump, thump, thump, went the baby's heart beat! What a reassuring sound! So, there is a baby in there and his/her heart is beating like a drum!

It took quite a while for the sonographer to get all the pictures that she needed for the ultrascreen. I had to move from my back to my right side, to my back, to my left side...she asked me to cough several times and then jiggled my tummy to get baby to move into the right position.

I guess she found the right position because she went off to find the radiologist to read the results. I was so nervous while we waited. It took about 5 minutes and then both the radiologist and the sonographer returned to the room.

I can't quite tell you how I feel about the results. In my opinion, they didn't really tell us anything. I think that we'll probably end up getting an amnio during my second trimester. Here's exactly what the radiologist explained:

The computer generated results show that the risk of having a baby with Trisomy 18/13 have decreased from 1 in 132 to 1 in 2,621. When we had the test with Matthew, my risk was 1 in 12. So I do have to believe that this result is favorable. The other part of the test showed an increased risk of down syndrome, from 1 in 609 to 1 in 259.

I'm trying to stay positive since I know that this is only a screening test. Peter reassured me that 1 in 259 is much different from 1 in 12. He's right. But I still don't like looking at this sheet of paper in front of me that says, "INCREASED RISK." It's all in capital letters. Is that supposed to give me peace?

So, now that I'm getting my worry and frustration out via writing this blog, I feel a bit better. I've lodged a call with my midwife and hope to go ahead and plan an amnio which I believe that I can have between weeks 16 and 19 (or anytime after that). I'm 13 weeks tomorrow so in the long run, 3-5 more weeks isn't that much longer to wait!

Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers! I'm going to continue to request them until I get the results of the next test. :)

P.S. In the ultrasound photo above, it looks a little like an appendage is coming out of baby's head. That is, in fact, an arm. However, it's in the correct place, baby was just waving hello to us (and you)!

Wednesday, April 23

This date is significant because at 9:00am, I will go to the doctor's office to have my ultrascreen. I still don't know whether or not I'll get the results right away or if I'll have to wait for them to give me a call. We got the results right away when we had the test in England but socialized medicine is a much different animal from the U.S. private healthcare system.

Peter is going to be able to go with me to the test, thanks to our good friend, Kristen Thompson. She's going to take care of Alexander for an hour or so and then take him to school. I'm sure that Alexander and his good buddy, Benjamin, will have a great time on Wednesday morning (much more fun than me)!

I'm trying to pretend that I'm not nervous about this test but the truth is, I'm quite nervous. I'd just ask that you all take a second to pray for our little baby on Wednesday morning. I'm trying to have a little faith, especially knowing that there is nothing that I can do to change the outcome of the screening.

After Wednesday's test, I'll post again to let you know how it goes. Even if I don't get immediate results, I will update you so you're not left hanging. At least not hanging any further than me!

I best be getting outside to plant a few flowers. I purchased a couple flats at Home Depot yesterday and I don't want them to dry up in this Spring sunshine. I hope you all are enjoying as beautiful weather as we have here in Nashville!

A brand new year, a brand new blog.

Greetings, friends! I bet that many of you have stopped checking this blog...but if you're reading now, then you must be keeping up! Sorry that I fell off the wagon! I'm back in the saddle and ready to share our lives with you!

I am still cancer free and have been working keeping my TSH at the right level. I think we were close to getting me on the right dosage of medication when I discovered that I was PREGNANT! Yep, that's right...pregnancy number three! They're trying to get my medication adjusted again since the baby steals my thyroid hormone for his/her own!
Wow, am I ready for this? As of yesterday, I am twelve weeks along and have been feeling every moment of the pregnancy. I've been tired, nauseated, sore, and the heartburn has already begun! But I'm happy. A little nervous...but very happy!

I have seen my midwife once and she's scheduled me for an ultrascreen next week. The ultrascreen is an ultrasound combined with some blood tests. They'll look at the nuchal translucency which is the fluid behind baby's neck. This is the test that showed that Matthew probably had a chromosome abnormality. I'm not sure how long it takes to get the results of the test back but I'll keep everyone updated as we know anything.

Until that time, we covet the thoughts and prayers of our friends and family. After a couple years of some pretty rotten life events, all that we want is a healthy baby.

In other news, Alexander has been accepted into a different preschool that has a summer program. Beginning June 1st, he'll be at Glen Leven Day School three days a week from 9-3! He had been on the waiting list for nearly two years so I am very pleased that he's been accepted. I am a little sad that he'll be leaving his current school - they've been great and he's loved his teachers, Miss Jo and Miss Patti! But, Glen Leven is closer, has a summer program, and had an opening for him! Hooray!

Update!

Well, I think that some of you are still logging on to check if I've typed anything. So, here I am! I've been busy the last few weeks now that Alexander is home! Peter stayed home from work the first week that Alexander was home and Dad was here for a week helping me transition. I sent Dad home on a Thursday and have been on my own for over a week.

I've gotten quite a bit of my energy back and am starting to feel like myself again. I still get pretty tired by the middle of the afternoon, especially after chasing Alexander around at the pool all morning.

I have an appointment with my endocrinologist next week. She'll check my TSH level and will adjust my medication as necessary.

That's the update for now. I'd like to type more but I hear a little boy saying, "mummy, come and get me out!" More later...

Still sleeping

News from here is no news. I'm still sleeping a majority of my days away. I'd like to brag that my energy is back and that I'm out and about so much that I don't have time to blog...But that's not the case. I phoned my doctor last Thursday, hoping for a little sympathy (and perhaps more medication). The nurse returned my call on Monday afternoon, less than sympathetic and said that I should be feeling better by the end of this week. So, at least I have something to look forward to!
I did drive over to the Green Hills YMCA today to get some information on joining (that wore me out, if you can believe it). It's expensive to be a member of the Y, in my opinion. A family membership is $89/month! That seems fairly extreme, especially when swimming lessons and Pilates classes cost extra. I guess that's the price of fitness! We'll probably join since I'd like to begin some sort of fitness program and I'd really like to get Alexander into some swimming lessons.
In fact, they have some swimming lessons that begin next week. What better way for us to bond than through some forced interaction in the water? He loves 'swimming' so it should be lots of fun and it's only for two weeks so if we don't like it, we can always do something else after those two weeks are over. We'll miss out on our playgroup and some great MOMs club activities but Alexander can show off his bubble blowing ability to all the cute girls, excellent trade off for him, I think!
Sorry that I haven't kept up my end of the bargain with the blog...I haven't been doing enough to inspire my writing creativity! I promise to keep you all more updated - my in-laws had to resort to calling me last week and this week to get updates! Thanks for checking on me!
My parents have promised to forward some photos of Alexander - I'll share them as soon as they arrive! No pressure, Mimi and Papa...we know that you're tired!

The sandman hath visited

I've been sleeping since Friday afternoon! I guess that's not entirely true as I have been able to read the entire Harry Potter book...but other than that, I have been sleeping. I wake up and I am tired, I fall asleep and I am tired. I'm so weak that I can't zip up my own dress. This morning I woke up and had to talk my legs into getting out of the bed so I could make it to the bathroom. Don't feel sorry for me, though. I'm sure all this rest is good for me! It's a bit frustrating not to be able to get things done around the house. What other time in my mother-hood career will I have the house to myself to decorate, clean, etc without 'help' from little elves who do more to hinder progress than help it?

However, I have many things to be thankful for - synthroid and cytomel, to begin with! I have started my thyroid replacement drugs and am hopefully on the mend. Because patience is one of the virtues that I struggle with most, (Christmas and all of the wrappings are like torture for me!) I had quite hoped that the medicine would, after one dose, make me feel peppy again. I've had the first dose and I'm still feeling pretty wimpy. Darn. Well, there's always tomorrow's dose! I'm taking 4 pills in the mornings and one in the evening. So, maybe after tomorrow's dose, I'll begin to feel a bit more like myself.

Until then, I am (trying to be) content to doze in my bed and enjoy the quiet of the day. I've been cold a lot, due to the hypothyroidism, so Peter and I have enjoyed dinner outside several nights in a row. I could get used to that! I think we've been lucky because the evenings have been cooler and not as humid as typical July/August weather. Nevertheless, I'd like to make eating outdoors a habit as much as possible because it's so relaxing to sit under the stars and enjoy a conversation.

Alexander continues to do well with Mimi and Papa. He spent 30 minutes in the shower yesterday, making up songs and playing in the water. I assume that he had to get out because the water began to get cold! Papa says that Alexander made up a whole song about Mummy. That makes me smile! Keep my parents in your prayers as they sound so tired. Those of you with young children know that it's difficult to keep up with your kids...just imagine having to do it at the age of 60, when you thought that you were done having to have conversations with a two year old who says "I don't like ______ (insert everything here)" and says "no" to every question posed. I'm sure my parents will be glad for a quiet house and the opportunity to sleep an entire weekend away!

Home again, home again, jiggity jig

And...I'm back! After spending a few uneventful days in l'hopital de Baptiste, I am home, sitting in my own bed. I have great news! My full body scan, completed this morning, showed that the cancer has not metastasised into my lungs, bones, or far-away lymph nodes. The iodine was sucked up by cells in my neck, the remaining thyroid cells and possibly a few lymph nodes not removed during surgery. For those who need that spelled out in plain English, the cancer didn't spread past my neck. So, that's great news! No additional treatment will be necessary and I am believed to be in the clear for now! Just as any other cancer patients are monitored, I will be checked every six months to a year to ensure that the cancer has not come back. Thyroid cancer does have a fairly high rate of recurrence in young people (I'm considered young in this instance). However, I don't feel worried at all about that fact. I'm glad to be rid of the cancer for now and know what to expect if I have to go through the radiation treatment again. I slept most of the 3 days so I can't really complain much. The most difficult part is being away from family and friends!

I'm still on restriction for a few days. I'm to eat off of paper plates and Peter has graciously taken his place in the guest bedroom. Alexander is having a grand time visiting with Mimi and Papa in Indiana - I believe they went to the zoo today and Uncle Matt and Aunt Michelle are stopping by to say hello tomorrow. We'll get Alexander back the first weekend in August. We'll be ready and I'm sure my parents will be ready for a good, long break without a two-year-old in the house!
I won't begin my thyroid replacement hormones until Monday so I'll still be feeling very tired until those drugs kick in (sometime around Wednesday or Thursday). By the time that Alexander returns, I should be feeling pretty good. And, by the time my TSH level reaches that of a normal person, I should be feeling like a whole new woman. I am looking forward to that! According to my endocrinologist, it will take between four to six weeks for my medication to get into my system and level out. Then, she'll adjust the dose as necessary to ensure that my levels stay very low.

Thank you very much to Allyson, Brendan and Connor, friends from England who sent a pretty bunch of flowers today! How cheery after being in that drab hospital room for three days! Allyson is due to give birth to their second child any day now. Allyson, if you're reading this, please update me on your progress!!